Short answer: if you’re wondering how to make friends in grad school, start with the people you’ll see every week anyway: your cohort and your department. In the first month, go to every orientation and department event, suggest a weekly cohort lunch or coffee, and learn the names of students in your office or lab. In months two and three, add one activity outside your program, such as intramurals, a graduate student association event or a club, so your social life isn’t only about research. Protect a small, recurring social ritual even during busy weeks. Below is a week-by-week first-semester plan, scripts and advice for introverts, international students and anyone who moved for their program.
Why grad school friendships are different
If undergrad friendships seemed to happen on their own, grad school can feel like a shock. A few differences explain why:
- Smaller groups. A cohort may be 5 to 30 people rather than a dorm of hundreds.
- Different life stages. Classmates may range from 22 to 45, and some are married, parents or working part-time.
- Heavier, less structured workloads. Research, teaching and coursework fill evenings and weekends.
- Fewer built-in social spaces. Grad students usually don’t live in dorms, eat in dining halls or join the same clubs as undergrads.
- A new city. Many grad students move for their program, so they’re starting a social life from zero at the same time.
The upside: you have a cohort you’ll see every week for years, and shared challenges (qualifying exams, teaching, the first conference) create strong bonds. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated it takes about 50 hours together to become casual friends, according to the university’s summary of the study. A cohort can pass that mark within a semester, if some of the time is social rather than only working side by side.
Your first-semester plan, week by week
| Week | Action | Time / cost | Goal |
|---|---|---|---|
| Orientation to week 2 | Attend every orientation and department welcome event; learn your cohort’s names; exchange numbers or join the cohort group chat | Several hours; usually free | Everyone knows who you are |
| Weeks 2 to 3 | Suggest a weekly cohort lunch or coffee after a shared class | 1 hour a week; cost of lunch | A recurring cohort ritual |
| Weeks 3 to 4 | Go to the graduate student association’s first events; check intramural and club sign-ups | 2 hours | Meet grad students outside your program |
| Weeks 4 to 6 | Join one activity outside your department: intramurals, a club, a choir, a run club | 2 hours a week; often free or low cost | A non-academic social anchor |
| Weeks 6 to 8 | Invite two or three cohort members to something off campus: trivia, a hike, dinner | 2 to 3 hours | Move from classmates to friends |
| Weeks 8 to 10 | Form or join a study group for your hardest class | 2 hours a week | Shared effort plus social time |
| Weeks 10 to 12 | Explore the city with a friend or two: a neighborhood, a museum, a market | 2 to 3 hours | Make the city feel like home |
| Weeks 12 to 15 | Plan an end-of-semester gathering for your cohort; agree to keep the weekly ritual going next term | 2 hours | Carry friendships into semester two |
Months 1 to 2: your cohort and department
Say yes to everything early
Orientation events, department mixers, welcome barbecues and first-week drinks can feel optional when you’re busy setting up an apartment. They aren’t. The first few weeks are when everyone is open to new people, and early impressions shape who invites whom later.
Start a cohort ritual
Suggest one small, recurring thing for your cohort: lunch after a shared seminar, a Friday afternoon coffee, a monthly potluck. Recurring plans are easy to join and don’t require anyone to organize from scratch each week.
Use shared spaces
If you have a shared office, lab or graduate lounge, spend some time there instead of always working from home. Small chats by the coffee machine and in the hallway add up.
Be the one who invites
Many grad students are waiting for someone else to suggest plans. Be that person, even once a month, and you’ll quickly become central to your cohort’s social life.
Months 2 to 3: beyond your department
Friends from your program are invaluable, but it helps to have a few who aren’t in the same pressure cooker.
- Graduate student association events. Most universities have a graduate student government or association that runs socials, trivia nights and outings across departments.
- Intramural sports. Many universities run intramural leagues open to grad students, often with co-ed and casual divisions. A weekly game is one of the easiest ways to meet people outside your field.
- Clubs and interest groups. Hiking, cooking, music, language exchange, faith and cultural groups all welcome grad students.
- The wider city. A run club, a climbing gym, a community choir or a volunteer shift gets you off campus and mixing with non-academics. Our ranking of hobbies to meet new people can help you choose.
Scripts for grad school
To a cohort member
“A few of us are grabbing lunch after the methods seminar. Want to come?”
Starting a ritual
“What if we made Friday coffee a thing? Same place, 3 p.m., whoever can make it.”
To someone from another department
“I’m in the history program, just moved here. What’s your department like? Are you going to the trivia night next week?”
Moving off campus
“I’ve been wanting to explore the farmers market on Saturday. Anyone want to come? We could grab brunch after.”
If you’re an introvert
Grad school can be a good fit for introverts: lots of focused work, smaller groups and deep conversations. To make friends without burning out:
- Prioritize small, structured settings (study groups, lab lunches) over big parties.
- Pick one recurring social ritual and protect it rather than trying to attend everything.
- Use shared work as a reason to connect: “Want to work on the problem set together at the library?”
- Give yourself permission to leave events early.
Our guide on making friends as an introvert has more low-energy methods.
If you’re an international student
Moving countries for grad school adds language, culture and distance from family. A few tips:
- Go to your university’s international student office events in the first weeks; they’re designed to help you meet people.
- Join a cultural or language association for comfort and connection, and one mixed group, such as intramurals or a department social, for a wider circle.
- Say yes to invitations even when they feel unfamiliar. Many domestic students are also looking for friends.
- Keep in touch with home, but schedule calls so they don’t replace local plans.
If you have a partner or kids
Many grad students are partnered or parents, and their social time is tighter. Daytime rituals work best: lunch with your cohort, coffee between classes, a study group that meets during school hours. Invite partners to department events that welcome them, and look for family-friendly gatherings organized by the graduate student association or campus family housing. One or two strong friendships in your program can matter more than a busy social calendar.
Master’s vs PhD programs
The timeline changes the approach. In a one- or two-year master’s program, everything moves quickly: say yes to everything in the first month, because the cohort may scatter after a year. In a PhD program you have more time but also more isolation later, when coursework ends and research becomes solitary. PhD students benefit from building rituals early that survive the move from classes to research, such as a weekly writing group or a standing lunch.
Common mistakes in the first semester
- Skipping orientation events to unpack or get ahead on reading. You’ll never have an easier chance to meet everyone.
- Working only from home. Shared offices and labs are where casual friendships form.
- Making every friend in your department. If your program becomes stressful, you’ll want people outside it.
- Waiting for the cohort to organize itself. Most cohorts need one person to suggest the first lunch. It might as well be you.
- Treating social time as a reward for finishing work. In grad school, work is never finished. Schedule friends like you schedule seminars.
Boundaries and burnout
Grad school can be intense, and friendships help. But a social life shouldn’t become another source of pressure.
- Keep social time small and recurring so it doesn’t need much planning energy.
- Don’t make every hangout about work. Venting about advisors bonds people, but friendships also need non-academic topics.
- Be careful with dating and power dynamics inside your department, especially with students you teach or supervise; check your university’s policies.
- Know where to get support. Most universities offer counseling services to graduate students. If you’re in crisis in the US or Canada, call or text 988.
A worked example
Ana (a composite example) moved from Texas to Pennsylvania for a PhD program with a cohort of eight. At orientation she gets everyone’s numbers and starts a cohort group chat. In week 2 she suggests lunch after the Tuesday seminar, which becomes a weekly habit. In week 4 she joins a co-ed intramural volleyball team through the graduate student association, meeting students from engineering, law and public health. In week 7 she invites three cohort members to a trivia night at a bar near campus, where everyone pays their own. By the end of the semester, Ana has a weekly cohort lunch, a volleyball team, two close friends in her program and one outside it. The plan didn’t require extra hours, only consistency.
In her second semester, when coursework lightened and research took over, the weekly cohort lunch became even more important. It was the one fixed point in a week that could otherwise pass without a real conversation. Two years later, the same group still meets every Tuesday, now as a writing group that ends with lunch, and it has carried everyone through qualifying exams.
After graduation
Grad school friendships can last a lifetime, but graduation often scatters people across the country. Our guide on making friends after college covers the transition, and if you move again for a job, our 12-week plan for moving to a new city alone and our 30-day checklist on what to do when you move to a new city will help you start over.
Meeting new people safely
When meeting people outside your program for the first time, choose public places, tell a friend where you’re going, arrange your own way home and leave if anything feels off.
From cohort to plans
The grad students with the strongest friendships usually aren’t the most outgoing; they’re the ones who keep suggesting small, specific plans: a time, a place, a few people and who pays.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web and works in your browser, starting in Malta. The Android app is on Google Play; the iPhone app is not in the App Store yet. Open MeetNow and see the plans posted in Malta.
FAQ: how to make friends in grad school
Is it hard to make friends in grad school?
It can be. Programs are smaller than undergrad, people are older and busier, many have partners or kids, and workloads are heavy. But grad school also gives you a built-in cohort that you see every week, which is a strong starting point if you use it.
Where do grad students make friends?
Most often in their cohort and department, through shared offices, labs and classes. Beyond that, graduate student associations, intramural sports, campus clubs and recurring activities in the wider city are common sources of friends.
Should I make friends outside my program?
Yes, at least one or two. Friends outside your program give you perspective, a break from academic talk and a support network that doesn’t depend on how your research is going. Intramurals, interest clubs and city activities are good places to find them.
How do I make friends in grad school as an international student?
Use your university’s international student office events, join cultural and language associations, and also join mixed groups such as intramurals or department socials. Saying yes to invitations in the first weeks matters even more when you’re far from home.
How do I balance friendships with a heavy workload?
Make social time recurring and small: a weekly cohort lunch, a Friday coffee, a study session that ends with dinner. Fixed rituals take less energy than planning from scratch, and they protect friendships during busy weeks.
What if I feel isolated in my program?
You’re not alone; isolation is common in graduate programs. Reach out to one cohort member, talk to your advisor or graduate coordinator about department community, and use your university’s counseling services if you’re struggling. In the US and Canada you can call or text 988 in a crisis.
